Naruto's New Religion
by Ciotog
Summary: Naruto starts a cult based on a very popular religion.


Naruto's New Religion

By Ciotog

(Please Review)

Sakura and Sasuke hurried towards the center of Leaf Village. Kakashi had told them to meet him there. It was about noon.

''What now?'' Sasuke mumbled as they hurried through the streets. ''I was just planning my revenge. Why am I being interrupted?''

''I don't know,'' Sakura replied, ''But I wonder where Naruto is, I haven't seen him all morning.''

''Who cares about that blond idiot?'' Sasuke snarled. He had been so close to figuring out his revenge.

''You do.'' Sakura said as she scanned the crowd for Kakashi. She didn't see him anywhere.

Suddenly Kakashi appeared. For once he didn't have a Make-Out-Paradise novel with him. Whatever was going on it was obviously serious.

''Sorry I'm late. Listen we have a major problem, we need to move NOW.'' Kakashi said grabbing their arms and dragging them down the streets.

''Shouldn't we wait for Naruto?'' Sakura asked.

''Well…. Naruto is actually the problem.'' Kakashi said. ''Apparently he has lost his mind. He and a few others are holed up in the Ramen Shop.''

Before anymore could be said they rounded the corner where the Ramen Shop was. It looked like the entire block was barricaded by ninjas. The Hokage was there directing them while holding a megaphone. Suddenly a voice rang out from the Ramen Shop.

''The truth will not be stifled!!!''

It sounded like Naruto. Kakashi began to explain.

''At about eight this morning Naruto and a small group of genin marched in here and took over the shop. We need you to go in and talk him into coming out. Now…''

''We shall spread the word.'' A voice from the shop yelled.

''At least he's making sense now,'' Kakashi said, ''Anyway we need to plant a wire on you Sasuke so we can hear what is going on.''

So with the wire attached Sakura and Sasuke stepped into the shop. The shop looked pretty much the same as it always did. The only difference was there was now a banner that said FRM FOREVER on it. That and a pile of ramen lovingly arranged on the counter.

Naruto rushed over to them. He was wearing some weird robes and an upside Ramen container on his head.

''Hey guys! Are you here to learn the truth of life?'' Naruto said grabbing them both in a giant hug. ''If you are than you need to wear these.'' He said as he handed them some empty Ramen containers.

''Naruto, what are you doing!?'' Sakura screamed at him.

''Oh, I am now a prophet. Believe It!

''A prophet of what?''

''Ah, yes where are my manners. Sasuke and Sakura welcome to the First Church of the Flying Ramen Monster.'' Naruto said as he gestured toward the banner and ramen pile.

''THE WHAT????'' Sasuke and Sakura yelled.

''Well,'' Naruto began, ''Last night I was looking through the bookstore and saw a book called The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.''

''Wait a second,'' Sasuke interrupted, ''you can read??''

''Yes, Believe It. Anyway I thought it looked interesting so I bought it. I started flipping through it when I got home. I read all through the night. When I finished, my eyes were opened forever. Believe It. The world really was created by pasta, just like I always hoped. But as I thought about it one thing didn't make sense, mere spaghetti wasn't powerful enough to do everything. Only one type of pasta could… Ramen. Then my mission in life became clear. Believe It. The Flying Ramen Monster had tried to make itself known, but the first prophet had messed a few things up. I knew it was my duty to correct these mistakes so I converted a few followers and took over this shop so that the truth could be spread. Believe It.'' Naruto paused, and then yelled. ''Can I get a RAmen from the congregation?''

This was of course followed by a loud RAmen from the assembled genin.

''Naruto, if you say Believe It one more time I am going to stab you.'' Sasuke said.

''Well, what do you guys think? Wanna join Sasuke?'' Naruto said trying to force a Ramen container over Sasuke's head.

''Don't you try and convert my Sasuke,'' Sakura roared.

Naruto stopped trying to force the container on Sasuke's head for a minute and looked at her. (Sasuke was getting increasingly annoyed and was contemplating killing everyone in that store).

''Hey Sakura,'' Naruto finally said. ''… if you're going to join we will need to get you one of the jumbo Ramen containers. I think your forehead is a bit big for a standard one. Believe It.''

It was lucky for Naruto that Sakura slapped him at that instant, otherwise the knife thrown by Sasuke would have got him in the eye. Further violence was forestalled by the voice of Kakashi on the megaphone.

''Naruto, we have someone else who wants to talk to you. Sakura and Sasuke you can come out.''

Saying farewell to Naruto and the genin, Sakura and Sasuke walked out. As they passed through the door they saw an average looking young man heading in. Kakashi met them and walked them behind the barricade.

''Hey Kakashi, who was that?'' Sakura asked.

''A Pastafarian.'' Kakashi replied.

''What?'' Sasuke wondered.

''He is a follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is going to talk some sense into Naruto, I hope.''

The sounds of yelling began to come out of the Ramen Shop, or the First Church of the Flying Ramen Monster if you prefer, folowed by the roar of a major fight. Voices began to call out strange attacks…

''Noodly Appendage Slap Jutsu!''

''Eye Stalk Poke Jutsu!''

''Beer Volcano Blast Jutsu!''

''Pirate Sword Jutsu!''

''Spaghetti Whip Jutsu!''

… followed by the sounds of someone in great pain. The Pastafarian walked out. He looked as if nothing had happened.

''Naruto should be okay now. I set him strait.'' He said as he hurried away.

When everyone went inside the store it looked as though the store had been hit by a tornado, hurricane, earthquake, and pack of paparazzi all at the same time. Naruto was lying sprawled on the remains of the counter. His arms and legs were sprawled at weird angles and he had uncountable cuts and scrapes all over.

''Hey guys.'' Naruto muttered weakly. ''I was wrong. Never mess with anyone who worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster. EVER!''

I hope Bobby Henderson is a good sport about all this. I give credit to his work the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and any phrases or ideas I used from it… Can I get a RAmen from the reader!?


End file.
